Filed under: 3rd wave feminism, Feminism, anti-rape, feminist, masculinity, no means no, rape, sexual assault, take back the night
Here’s the deal: you and I both know rape is a big problem on many campuses. We know the statistics. We know people who are survivors. We know that rape is more prevalent in social situations than any others. And most importantly, we have the answers on how to fix the problems.
Now is your chance to step up and take charge and be a feminist leader – whether you are an undergraduate, a graduate or otherwise. We need you to start a local chapter on your campus.
Rather than starting my own organization – I am piggybacking with another already existing organization that aims at community education and outreach to curb rape. The blue print to our goals and missions is being put together. We should finalize it in less than a month.
There are two goals: to education young men about rape, through encouraging them to deconstruct their masculinity and understand why they take the actions they do. Rape happens, I believe, because we live in a culture that eroticizes masculinity, dominance, and gender roles, in which men’s identities are defined through sexual conquests and ownership.
We’re going to hold talks at bars, freshmen orientation, and other places college students frequent. We’ll also have posters, discussion groups and outreach programs.
The second goal is to give women voices – the survivors of rape never often speak up because of the backlash and stigma that rape carries – and as such, to be able to lead a healthy life, both physically and mentally. By giving women a network to work through, we’ll be able to give women voices – and put their lived experiences at the forefront of the matter.
So, I need your help to start this not only on your campus, but in your community. This is something I want to start at all levels – as low as junior high school, in fact. I need you to spread the message to your brothers and sisters, friends, boyfriends, and anyone who you think might be a good addition to this, in your various cities and campuses.
The majority of my friends are women. I need more men to get involved to this, as to show rape isn’t an issue that affect women and that not only women can speak out on this, but this is an issue that affects everyone, and everyone has the responsibility to make our communities and campuses safer.
Contact me if you are interested. And pass on the information to everyone, please. My contact info is below.
Email: mloix002@odu.edu
Filed under: Feminism, feminist, journalism, men's magazine, objectification, rape, third-wave feminism
First of all – let’s get the first thing out of the way: I am the shit. I get out of the military in three months, and people have been scaring me left and right, telling me there are no job opportunities.
Last night, I went to a job interview with a magazine (name withheld) and about an hour into it (it was mostly of me asking THEM questions and talking about my visions), the interviewer and I went outside for a smoke break and the next thing I knew I was sitting in their editorial meetings. The job is now mine.
It pays well, and I can sustain myself, but here lies the problem: it’s a men’s magazine. Imagine it to be sort of like MAXIM or one of the other men’s magazines.
The whole staff is consisted of men, with the exception of one women; looking at their planning/dummy sheets, I became concerned because the content seems a bit objectifying of women’s bodies. That, coupled with the fact that there are articles that seem a bit patriarchal, I kind of cringed.
The lone woman on the staff, sensing my discomfort, told me that it’s okay for me to work such a job being a feminist (she found out I am a women’s studies major through introductions) and at the same time work for a men’s magazine, just as she does …
But I am still uncomfortable with the idea of making money off women’s bodies – no matter how willing these women are willing to pose for this magazine. Wouldn’t I be contributing to the objectification of women by doing this? Does it go hand-on-hand with my feminist values?
But the person who hired me has given me free range to do whatever I want – he said he isn’t attached to the content, but rather, the money made from the magazine. This gives me an opportunity to bring in feminist thoughts and philosophies to the magazine. For this month, I am doing a few article, one focusing on STDs and safer sex practices. The other on the dilemma of it being two in the morning, and the girl is drunk – but you and her have been talking, and you want to take her home, and whether it’d be the right thing to do. There are more articles I am working on, but the fact is I can sneak my feminist views into these articles.
Because of that, I feel I am justified with this job. But I am still not happy with it.
I know I am the shit and I can walk into any newspaper or magazine, just throw down my resume, talk for a few minutes, and get a job …and I don’t NEED this job, but I feel as though I can contribute to turning this magazine into a better one instead of one like MAXIM, which is clearly misogynistic.
Thoughts?
Filed under: 3rd wave feminism, 3rd wave feminists, 3rd-wave feminist, Feminism, feminist, feminist allies, feminist relationships, gender roles, male privilege, masculinity, misogyny, power, pro-feminist males
My apogogies for the lack of posting. I’ve been extremely busy, and extremely sick. I am still kind of walking around in a haze, not having eaten since Tuesday because of this really bad flu …
Can I be a feminist and still, at the same time, hold on to my masculinity? I mean, if a female feminist can still cling on to her “womanhood” and be a feminist, why can’t I be the same? If a woman can still wear make-up and high heels and be a feminist, why can’t I be masculine and still be a feminist?
I bring this up because lately, I’ve been charged with not being a feminist because I still enjoy male privilege.
The most serious charge is that I still want power – that in having political ambitions, rather than giving up power, I am clinging on and going after power.
But if I am using such power for something good – feminism, why is it so wrong?
So what if I enjoy a good fight? So what if, upon hearing a Navy guy make an anti-women, anti-feminist comment at the bar, and acting like a misogynist objectifying jackass, I challenge him to a fight? Sure, it’s violence; but it’s violence for feminism?
So what if I enjoy the sense of women (sexually or otherwise) or the taste of beer, or that on Sundays, I am watching football? So what if I love the feeling of being able to shoot my M-16 so accurately that i can hit a target 500 meters away? I am still a feminist.
I can still be tender, loving, caring, and I can still stick by my values and convictions.
To be sure, those who accused me of such are 2nd Wavers, those who live in their own worlds, reject what is reality, and just are “radical.”
I like sex, I like beers, I like violence, I like football, and I still speak out on behalf of human and women’s rights.
I still fall in love I still enjoy wooing women, I still enjoy wearing my heart on my sleeve.
I love being the center of attention. I love power. I love being in control.
But I would never harm, objectifying, hurt, or deny women of their humanly rights.
Why am I not a feminist?
A girl I just spoke to told me one can still be masculine and “manly” and be a good person and a feminist and that I am an example of such.
I shouldn’t give a fuck what the 2nd Wave thinks. But I still need to give up male privilege, as it is how we pro-feminist males are supposed to act.
What am I to do? What’s a guy supposed to do? If I give up masculinity, all that’s in me will be gone. I’d be left with no passion, no drive, no ambition. This is not because it’s what defined me as a man, but it’s because it’s who I am.
I want to be a man, but I still want to be a feminist.
Thoughts?
Filed under: 3rd wave feminism, 3rd wave feminists, feminist, feminist theory, feminists, patriarchy, sexuality, women, young feminists
Really, why are some young women so reluctant to identify themselves as feminists?
We met in a women’s bathroom at a gay club. A few friends and I had gone to an AIDS fundraiser earlier that night, and decided to drop by the Wave for drinks. Having to go to the bathroom and a bit sloshed, I announced that I had to pee. Someone suggested that I used the women bathroom instead, because I was considered “fresh meat” for one reason or another in the men’s bathroom.
A friend was nice enough to walk me into the women’s bathroom, and there I met and shook hands (after we both washed of course) with a nice young woman from VCU. After about an hour of meeting and talking to her in the bathroom, I ran into her again. She was extremely attractive, so I continued our conversation.
Upon minding out I am a women’s studies major and feminist, she said, “I am not a feminist, but …” and started listing a long list of reasons for women’s rights.
In my extremely fogged up mind, I recalled an article I’d read as a freshman in my women’s studies class called, “Feminism: Why Young Women Get the Willies.”
If I can recall correctly, the reason for it is that young women are afraid of the stigma that comes with feminism – the image of bra-burning, man-hating, armpit-non-shaving, head-shaving, dyke. They were, as the article said, also afraid that they had to give up their sexuality for feminism – that, somehow, calling oneself a feminist means that one could no longer love a member of the opposite sex.
So, why is it, I still wonder, that so many young college women are afraid of being labelled as feminists? I contend that it’s because of the above false image of feminists – that somehow feminists are strange creatures; we hate sex; we hate men (I do, anyway); and we hate anything that’s normal.
While I hold these beliefs to be false, my question is this: even if they were true, so what?
Take away those actions and behaviors and feminism is left with love, compassion, empathy, equality and a sense of responsibility, in making the world a better place. What’s so bad about it?
Yet, time and time again, I run across women (and men) who take feminist positions, but never want to describe themselves as feminists for fear of shame.
The truth is you should never be ashamed of your work in trying to make the world a better place. You should never have to apologize for the desire to work toward equality and social justice. In fact, you ought to be very proud of it. I am proud of you for it.
The next time the conversation comes up, proudly and emphatically claim yourself as a feminist – and answer with a loud and resounding “Yes,” if anyone ever asked you whether you are a feminist.
Bill Clinton was right when he said, “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what’s right with America.” You are everything that’s right with America.
On that note – I want a “This Is What A I-Am-Not-A-Feminist But looks like” t-shirt. 
Filed under: 3rd wave feminism, Feminism, National Organization for Women, feminist, feminist movement, high school student suspended, male privilege, misogyny, patriarchy, pro-feminist males, sexual harassment, victim persecution
On Friday, I was informed by a friend of mine that one of his students had been suspended for five daysafter SHE was sexual harrassed.
The story goes something like this: in class Friday, when he was teaching Latin, the girl just bursted “I am sick of this shit,” and started crying. He took her outside, and she confided in him that she would “slit his throat and throw him in a ditch.” She went on to inform him that the student in the next seat over had been sexually harrassing her, telling her to “suck [his] dick” among other things …it got worst.
After confirming the information with other students, he wrote up a slip to send the harrasser to the front office for disciplinary actions. But security had already arrived, and took them both to the office.
Come to find out, another school administrator had heard the sexual harssasment victim’s angry comment about throwing her harrasser’s body in a ditch (and she made it in confidence, while angry and crying, TO A TEACHER) and called security.
So, what’s the end result? The girl was suspended for five days for making dead threats, and the guy got two days for being indecent! She also had to apologize to him. Worst part of it all? She is now removed from the class permanently because SHE posed an unhealthy classroom learning environment to him!
Is it just me, or is something extremely backward here? If I got sexually harrassed, you bet your sweet ass I am going to get angry and threaten to kill someone. But I still doesn’t make the harrasser the victim in all of this. WE ALL KNOW WHO THE VICTIM IS!
Furthermore, my friend talked to her and she said she was told that she needed to control HER feelings and not have outbursts. What the fuck? Excuse HER for not remaining prim and proper and “lady like” after being a victim. What’s next? Sending a rape victim to jail instead of the rapist and having her apologize to him for having to fight back? And we’re further reinforcing patriarchy by telling her that all of this is her fault? UGH! It makes me want to pull my hair out.
I really don’t know how we can go about handling this – and am waiting for a call back from my campus director of the Feminist Majority Foundation, but it’s ticking me off.
Filed under: 3rd wave feminism, Feminism, Women's rights, college, dating, equality, feminist, feminist allies, flirting, gender roles, love, patriarchy, pro-feminist males, women, young feminists
Recently, I’ve been told – by more than just one woman – that the actions I take when around them tend to me misleading – and that I tend to be, according to some, a “flirt.”
I find this problematic and interesting because I am a pro-feminist male, and as such, I tend to treat everyone equality without regard to gender, but I cannot help but think somehow, because of my behavior, I am ending up confusing the shit out of some people, and in a sense, “leading them on.”
Because of my activism on and off campus in the feminist as well as progressive politics movements, I often dine with a lot of women – and have a lot of what I call “friendly outings” with them.
That’s certainly not the problem. The problem comes in when, in our interaction, I may say things that – in a gendered society as we know it, be considered flirting.
A touch on the shoulder here, a brush on the lap there, a “you’re amazing here,” a “you’ve got a beautiful mind,” there. Just compliments – and just friendly touching – all of which are welcomed. But then I’ve been accused that, because of this, women are taking it as a sign of a come on, and that I somehow don’t “follow through” with my actions, because I then go on and gloat about Emily and how wonderful she is and how much she means.
Perhaps that’s what bothers me the most about the gendered world as we know it – people can’t appreciate and show affection for one another – albeit a very platonic and friendly one, without having to feel as though they are somehow showing signs of romantic interests.
It’s not that I feel bad for myself – I live in a world with male privilege and have absolutely no rights to bitch or complain. I just feel bad that I may be leaving people with the wrong impression.
Really, in the end, is a brush on the lap, stroking someone’s face, or a compliment about how much you like them as a person, really a sign of a come on?
I mean – as a straight male, I do that to male friends, too. It’s a sign of affection. It’s a sign of closeness.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just be a robot, sit there and show no signs of emotions or affection whatsoever. Maybe then, no one would accuse me of being “well on [my] way to be America’s Next Bill Clinton – in behavior.”
Filed under: Feminism, Full Frontal Feminism, Jessica Valenti, feminist, gender roles, male privilege, misogyny, sexuality, strip bars, strippers
For the last few days, I’ve wanted to write about my experience at the strip club, but I am glad I didn’t, because tonight, I actually got to talk to a stripper about feminism, so it made me think a bit deeper on the issue.
Please don’t kill me – but a few nights ago, my old friends took me to a strip bar, despite my protest. They didn’t put a gun to my head, but I reluctantly went anyway, seeing it as a way for us to spend time together. In that, I feel guilty because I felt as though I was contributing to the objectification and commodification of women by being a patron there. Further, I have to admit that I was somewhat turned on by the visuals of it all. But I am, after all, only human.
As one of my buddies offered to buy me a lap dance, I refused, out of me feministic values. “Real men don’t have to pay to see a woman naked,” I told him as a way to politely refuse, yet still adhere to my feministic values. But at the same time, even said statement, for me, is problematic, as it defines what a “real man” is supposed to be.
But I felt extremely bad that I was at the club, and that I was physically enjoying the sight of a woman’s body, who was only there because of an imbalance of power. There I was – the male with privilege and money to see her dance naked …I was just like the rest of them, contributing to the misogynistic view of women.
What was even more upsetting for me, I think, was I saw the cocktail servers walking around in tight little bikinis. While I love the woman’s body, I don’t feel as though I have to part-take in sexism to appreciate it. Although there is always a “no-touch” policy at any strip club, the regulars were actually slapping one of the servers’ butt. I wanted to say something, but realized it was neither my place nor the time. I let it go, and continued talking to my friends. I am sorry!
Tonight, while sitting at a coffee shop near my house, I was next to a couple a table over. Lost in my new book, “Giving,” by Bill Clinton, as well as texting people, I looked up to the girl asking me if the Ms. Magazine sitting on the table was mine. I offered it to her, and the guy she was with told me she is new to feminism. So, a conversation ensued.
It turns out she’s an exotic dancer, and came to feminism after reading Jessica Valenti’s “Full Frontal Feminism,” and now wants to go to college majoring in women’s studies.
I asked her how she dealt with the political and personal of her life, being both a feminist and a dancer. Her reply was something to this extend:
“It depends on why people dance. For some girls, they dance because they feel they need the approval of men to feel pretty. Some can’t dance unless they’ve got alcohol in their system. I dance because I make a lot money doing so, and I am my own person. I don’t need men’s approval to feel pretty, but I am empowered by it. In the end, it’s about what I do for my own life and not have to feel ashamed by it. I do it because I make my own schedule and report to no one.”
I thought about her answer and wondered: what if stripping truly does make some women happy because they are in control? What if stripping made them happy because they are empowered by the money? What if they are doing it out of their own choice?
Driving home, I think I’ve come up with the answer for it all, and perhaps said answer is still muddled by my experience as a male with male privilege, but I think that feminism shouldn’t be about what we can get out of it, but how we can make the world a better place.
In the end, what we do shouldn’t be motivated by what we can get out of it, but rather, whether it will positively affect woman?
Does seeing women naked make me happy? Sure. But am I contributing to the comodification of women? Yes. So should I do it in the future? No.
The same thing, I think, goes for this woman. This is not a judgement. It’s merely what I think. But as was brought up in my conversation with her, our views on feminism change everyday, as we learn more, and experience more. Perhaps that’s just the case with me.
I recommend to her, “To Be Real,” by Rebecca Walker. I suggest it to all of you, too. 
Thoughts?
