America’s Next Bill Clinton!

“Coming out” to my parents

I am on vacation, but I still want to write, simply because I’ve ran across a lot of issues worth talking about, to include a fake “abortion” clinic that I called to find out what they’re about (I’ll blog that later). I also went to a strip club with old friends last night, and hated it. I’ll blog that later, too. For now, this one is about my “coming out.”

Almost two-and-a-half years ago, I came out to my parents. No, it wasn’t the type where at Thanksgiving dinner, I announced that I liked penises now, as my dad choked on the turkey breast (what else would he be eating, right?) and my mon slowly fainted, her face in the bowl of gravy.

My coming was a different sort. I announced to them that I had declared myself a women’s studies major, and now a feminist.

I think they took it quite well. In fact, they probably saw it as a phase, one that would pass. My dad, in his sense of humor, would introduce me to the neighbors as “Marc, our daughter.”

Coming home and seeing them now, though, it’s a little different. They’re beginning to realize that I am in this movement for good.

When I told them that I would be getting out of the Army, finishing up my degree and then going to law school to be an attorney in women’s and human rights issues before trying to go into politics, their first question was how I would make money.

“Why don’t you stay in the Army for 20 years and retire to collect paycheck? You’ll only be 37 by then,” my mom pressed.

“Mom, because women’s rights can’t wait. I want to make a difference,” I replied.

They still don’t get it. They worry about money and how I’d make a living, even after I’d told them that so long as I have a roof over my head and a few nice suits to go to work in, I’d be happy. They don’t get it.

I love my parents, but they want me to do things that don’t matter to me. My calling is feminism and progressive politics. My parents envisioned I’d be a doctor or a hot-shot attorney. This time, they’d even offer to start a business for me.

“What change in the world would I make?” I asked them.

“What girl would marry a man with no money, working for a non-profit as an attorney?” my mom asked.

“Mom, women aren’t gold-diggers, and they’re capable of making money on their own. Besides, I’ve got plenty of admirers who’d want to date me. It’s okay, I don’t need money to get laid.”

They’re unhappy, but I am not going to change my life and my passion around for them. I love my parents, but I love my country more. I want to make my parents happy, but there are millions of my fellow human beings who are still being marginalized based on the sex into which they were born. They take priority.

They gave me life and I am thankful for that. But now, I will use my life to change lives. I am not going to sit around doing my best to make them happy. After all, life is a gift. When you give someone a gift, you shouldn’t expect them to do with it what you want. It’s THEIR gift.

5 Comments so far
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“What girl would marry a man with no money, working for a non-profit as an attorney?”

Your parents sound adorable, just like mine. Worried for your future. I love mine to death.

I’m not being sarcy.

Comment by vintagefan

I think there are lots of women out there who will marry for love. I married for love and we have absolutely no money. We’re happy, very broke but I like to think we’re making a difference in the world, albeit a small one for now.

Comment by Sunny

What girl would marry you? Why, a feminist girl, of course. That’s the irony. You’ll know she’s with you for you (and not your money, status, etc.) because she’s a feminist and not attached to archaic gender roles. She’ll be able to make her own money and won’t have to stay with you just for financial security.
Not to mention the fact that you don’t NEED to get married at all! You can find a woman who’ll love you for you and stay with her as long as you’re both in love.

Comment by SarahMC

I remember once, talking to a friend of mine about feminism and love, and asking the question if we could ever truly love as feminists, her answer was: “of course. In fact, if you think about it, feminists are some of the most loving people in the world.” :0)

Sarah, I think you’re right about me marrying a feminist one day. It made me smile when the woman of interest at the current moment, told me that she agreed that so long as we’ve got food, clothes and a place to live, that we’re ready to go out and change the world, because doing so is more important than money. I happen to like her a whole lot, and love her mind! :0)

Comment by profeministmale

It is sexist to call women girls when you refer to men as men.

Comment by Elaine

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