America’s Next Bill Clinton!

A pro-feminist male in love (with a feminist!)

I am very sorry for a most cheesy post! 

So, I think I’ve met the woman I would like – the person who is going to be the Hillary Clinton to my Bill Clinton. Some of you  have heard about her before – but I’d like to say this one more time – she is amazing. In the words of my favorite poet, “I don’t know if love conquers all, but I know it’s conquering me at an alarming rate.”

We met at a feminist conference; she interned this summer for a women’s rights organization; she’s spent time overseas to help poor people; she is not religious; she is active in progressive politics both on and off campus; she has a beautiful mind; and her greatest ambition is to one day win the Nobel Peace Prize. What more can a person ask for in a mate, right?

To be sure, we are not a couple – and I like it that way. But I feel this affinity and longing for her. Yet, the funny thing is that I am very much interested in women, in general, and I do go out with a lot of women – most of whom are feminists.

Some people have told me that doing so is inconsistent with my values, because I am “playing the field.” They’ve said that if I truly do feel good-and-love for her, that I should just try to be with her, and not go out to dinners and dates with any other women.

Here, the word “date” becomes one that needs to be defined: is going to dinner with a woman considered a date? Is it a date if you two are the only ones at the table at dinner and drinks? I certainly don’t think so, but others seem to. The thing is I am interested in the way women think – their minds, their thoughts, their experiences and the way they see things. That’s why I go out with women to dinners and cocktail bars. I like finding out about them. I expect nothing in return, and mean nothing by going out to dinner with them. Yet, some people don’t seem to understand that.

On another different note, I’ve been on two dates and a friendly dinner this week, and all of them were feminists. It’s funny because the two dates and the dinner friend broke gender roles, and paid for my dinner and drinks. I am a feminist,  but somehow, I felt uncomfortable with it – as if I owe them something for paying for my dinner and drinks. I don’t know how to take it when a woman pays for my dinner. The feminist in me tells me that it’s good for reversal of gender roles. The person in me tells me that I don’t want to burden them.

[one more note on the feminist I am interested in] She’s not ready for a relationship, and I understand that. And, in fact, I do appreciate her just as her – a person. I appreciate that she is in my life. If, in the end, nothing happens, she’d still be a great person for whom I am thankful to be in my life. I’d like to love her as America’s Next Hillary Clinton, but I already feel the world for her as just a person. I don’t need romance to appreciate her for who she is.


 Also, I am driving up to DC for her birthday, which means I need to take a day off from work and drive up there at night. This song below popped into my mind. It’s called I-95, by Fountains of Wayne.

They sell posters of girls washing cars
And unicorns and stars
And Guns N’ Roses album covers
They’ve got most of the Barney DVDs
Coffe mugs and tees
That say Virginia is For Lovers
But it’s not
Round here it’s just for truckers who forgot
To fill up on gasoline
Back up near Aberdeen

It’s a (four) hour drive
From me to you
(North) on I-95
And I’ll do it til the day that I die
If I need to
Just to see you
Just to see you

Hip-hop stations are fading in and out
All I’m receiving now
Is a kick drum mixed with static
Constellations are blinking in the sky
The road is open wide
And it feels so cinematic
‘Til a van
Driven by an elder gentleman
Cuts right in front of me
From then on that’s all I see

It’s a (four) hour drive
From me to you
(North) on I-95
And I’ll do it til the day that I die
If I need to
Just to see you
Just to see you

6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Go Dutch on your meals and other outings. It’s natural that you might feel like a burden if someone else is paying for you — whether they be male or female. There is no reason to live your life with the goal of “reversing” gender roles. YOU should be outlining the roles yourself, not constantly checking your actions against what you believe to be the hegemonic ideal(in this case, that the “Man” should pay for the date).

Also, I’m always a bit skeptical of anyone who aims to impress Swedish arms dealers 🙂

Comment by J Botemill

I think it’s so strange that we (read our culture) equates “true love” with being with one person only. There are as many different types of love as there are couples.

Comment by secondhandsally

If you want to, just forget about the word ‘date’ and just enjoy spending time and getting to know a bunch of different people, women and men! If you were having dinner and drinks with a male companion people probably wouldn’t call it a date, but because you’re spending time with women, people want to give it a label. Just spend time with whoever you want and keep being wonderful.

As for the next maybe Hillary Clinton, I’m happy to hear you’ve discovered such a terrific human being. If she someday wants to pursue a relationship, awesome! If not, you’ve made a good friend.

Comment by Sunny

Wow, if going out for dinner or drinks with a person of the opposite sex makes a date, then I’m dating my gay best friend! Maybe that’s why my ex-hubby divorced me? 😉

Comment by Mary

I think the most important thing, is to make sure you’re always respecting the women you’re out with. That means, if you don’t view the outing as a date (or to have any romantic context), try to make sure that she’s aware of that. If you are interested in one woman, and she in you, but you still want to date other women, make sure everyone involved knows what’s going on. The key is to be open and honest. If you’re leading women on, that’s not ok. But if everyone involved knows exactly where you stand, then you’re doing good. “Playing the field” is not inherently bad, as long as everyone else is in on the game and the rules. and is happy to be playing as well.

Comment by Marcy

Comment by bola

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