America’s Next Bill Clinton!


Career vs. matters of the heart (as a feminist)

Lately, I’ve discovered (or rediscovered) a softer, tender side of me that embraces love and emotions and, to be perfectly honest, it disturbs me.

For a long time – since I’ve moved here to Virginia and started what is sure to be a bright and promising political career, I’ve brushed aside emotions and love in favor of focusing on my career. After all, that was the reason I ended my previous 2.5-year relationship in the first place – because I thought there were more important things in the world than relationships.

Since being here, I’d go to events on and off campus, meet and impress someone, and we’d “hang out” for a week or two, I’d get bored, or she’d get bored, and we’d move on. I liked it that way. I liked having the ability to making others swoon with the wagging of my finger and the waving of my wine glass.

But lately, I’ve been preoccupied by emotions and that the “affinity” I’d feel for another being. I’ve found that I, the person who is more interested in solutions than feelings, am changing. I am starting to think that, just like everyone else in life, I’d be better off with someone with whom to share the limits of my existence.

I hate that feeling because it distracts me. I sit here writing a news article and I am staring blankly at the screen. I am beginning to have bad dreams about …things. I am sitting at the coffeeshop and reading poetry instead of my feminist texts. I am showing my softer side to people, and that makes me vunerable. I am starting to reject attention and affection received by some females …and the political career all the sudden doesn’t seem so important anymore. I’d be happy as a civil rights/women’s rights attorney …

What the fuck is wrong with me? I can embrace emotions just fine …but now, I am starting to give it more thoughts, and incoporating it into the big decisions I have in life. I am an intellectual, not a cheesy, full-of-emotion weakling. I am set out to change the world – not to fall for people. My life will be chronicled on this History Channel – not Lifetime.

The most disturbing part? I am actually happy with these changes, and I fully embrace them.

Maybe I am growing up. Maybe I’ve lost my magical, political touch.

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5 Comments so far
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Just a thought: The goal of having a life that will be on the History Channel (or even the more traditional goal of actually just “changing the world”) might be a remnant of traditional masculinity–living an emotional life (even one that would find its way to Lifetime) that embraces connections with other people might be something we men need to more often embrace…

Comment by jeffliveshere

I found this post a bit surprising, humorous, and ironic. How funny that a man who proclaims himself to be such a feminist, to want to understand women and help them and the women’s movement, sees himself as such a macho man that he can’t have feelings, doesn’t want a relationship, and the mere idea that he wants love in addition to a career makes him a “cheesy, full-of-emotion weakling.” Women have been trying to fight off that exact stereotype for all of history (that just b/c we have and express feelings, we’re sappy weaklings). How interesting that you actually perpetuate that stereotype, not meaning to, when writing this post. (I don’t mean nay of this to sound mean or harsh in any way, just making observations).

One of women’s biggest struggles today is learning how to deal with relationships and career at the same time. Perhaps acknowledging that you do have feelings and do perhaps want to share your life with another person, will help you understand this plight a bit more. Being in love does not make you weak, and it will not derail your plans to change the world– many very important people in history were happily married. I think love can actually do a lot to inspire a person, to make them want to make the world a better place, to be happier, etc.

And, personally, I think a life lived without love and romance would be a shame. Yes, relationships are hard and there’s no such thing as fairy-tale-style “happily ever after”, but I cannot imagine living my life without a husband to love and support, who’ll love and support me.

Comment by Marcy

“How funny that a man who proclaims himself to be such a feminist, to want to understand women and help them and the women’s movement, sees himself as such a macho man that he can’t have feelings, doesn’t want a relationship, and the mere idea that he wants love in addition to a career makes him a “cheesy, full-of-emotion weakling.” “–Marcy

At the risk of overgeneralizing, I think these sorts of concerns are part of what a lot of feminist (or pro-feminist, if you prefer) men find themselves confronting, and it’s not surprising in the least to me–patriarchy hurts men, so of course men have to deal with, in this case, traditional conceptions of masculinity that are bogus.

As far as romantic love goes–it’s not for everybody.

Comment by jeffliveshere

Sorry about the italics. Sloppy of me!

Comment by jeffliveshere

Marcy and Jeff –

Again – quite the deep feedback. Thanks. I don’t think in taking the positions I did yesterday, that I was speaking in terms of gender, but rather, where we want to go in life. I think, for one, that no matter whether man or woman, we have many other things that we ought to worry about (changing the world), rather than our own romantic happiness.

This is not a matter, for me, of being macho, but rather, doing what I need to do, and sacrificing certain things, to make the world a better place.

I think that a lot of women I’ve been with, who have been mostly feminists, struggle with, too.

Although I can’t speak for non-feminist women and men.

Comment by profeministmale




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