America’s Next Bill Clinton!


Sex toys for $10,000????!?!?

Over at Jessica Valenti’s feministing.com, a discussion regarding Charlie Sheen and Real Life dolls are taking place – and I couldn’t help but do it as well. 

I found this both amusing and a little creepy – so I thought I’d share it, since it is Friday and things ought to be lighthearted.

Now, I am all for sex aide or sex toys or whatever you want to use to enhance your sex lives, but this is pretty weird (www.realdoll.com). It’s a life-size doll made of silicon and latex and crap that feels real, and is used as sex partners for (mostly men) who otherwise wouldn’t be getting any action.

It comes with a built-in skeleton as to allow the owner to put it into any position desired. There’s also an MP3 player that’ll make the doll moan and such …I guess in this case, the only “button” to push to turn her on is …well, the “on” button. It also comes with a heating system that’ll bring the doll’s temperature up to 98.6 degrees.

The intent of this, for many men, of course is to get the perfect partner without having to do the leg work. It’s all the “sex” you want without ever hearing no, or having to hear her talk or negotiate mutually pleasurable activities.

Nevermind the fact that every person has some sort of a short-coming and no one is perfect. In this fantasy world for these men, women will behave whoever they want, look as good as they want, without any of the reality of what a woman really is.

As one man says of the dolls: “For the most part, it’s just like sex with an organic woman…who doesn’t say anything and is brimful of Quaaludes.” I don’t know what the rest of the quote meant, but one can stop after the word “anything” and know what kinds of people these men are.

But it gets worst! Some of these dolls are made into the shapes of teenagers or sometimes even younger. What’s going to be included in the MP3 player, a soundbite of the doll singing the Barney song?

From a feminist perspective, it’s probably a good thing, because so long as they have their robotic lovers, these men won’t be going out and trying to mate with women. Results? No babies! Honestly, because people like these shouldn’t be raising kids.

Another point, too, is that this quite effectively ends the debate of whether women are golddiggers and will only have sex with rich men. If these guys are shelling out $10,000 for a doll, they’re pretty rich, okay? So, why are they having to buy a doll instead of just courting one of those “golddiggers?” Oh, yeah, because golddigers don’t exist – only men using that idea as an excuse for not getting laid.

Thoughts?



Loser, possesive men

One of the signs the guy you’re dating is a loser? He’s possessive!

Last night, I had a girl I had a thing with this summer come over to watch “The Death of a President” with a couple of friends, and she brought the guy she’s dating over. At first, he seemed pretty cool, and we drank wine and hung out and all until the movie was over.

He was on the couch, she was laying on the floor and I was sitting on the floor. So, bored, I started tossing a bottle cap at her face and we started playing catch with it. I then started very platonically stroking her face and the back of her hand (I do that to all my close female friends and former objects of affections).

The next thing I knew, he stormed out of the house. She called him to see what was going on, and he was screaming on the phone, telling her that I was flirting with her and was afraid I might take her away from him.

WTF! My God, she’s now a friend and I was only showing her affection and entertaining her! This dude thought, for some reason, we were going to jump on the couch and have sex like rabbits or something. This is even despite the fact that I spoke about having interest in other girl!

What’s wrong with these men who are so possesive of the women they’re dating that they’re not allowed to have other guy friends? It’s fucking crazy! Jesus freaking Christ!

And you know what else? They’re not really officially an item and this guy is already acting like this. I don’t understand it. Some men think that just because they’re dating a girl means that they’re supposed to cut off contact with all their guy friends.

I don’t know — maybe I intimidate some men, making them think I am going to steal their women! But you know what, there’s a reason she’s a thing of the past — and it’s that she didn’t make the check list! So, why would I want her again? She’s a good friend, just like all the women in my past, and that’s it!

Why, God, why do these guys get so possesive?



So, I am a misogynist. Huh!

Friday night, I was out with a few friends and was totally blitzed. After last call, we wandered around to find food when we ran into a girl – also a college student – who had been left by her friends in the parking lot. She was drunk, not in a familiar neighborhood and didn’t have a cell phone.

She used a pay phone to call some other friends to pick her up. Her plan was to stay there until her friends came, although she wasn’t even sure if her friends got the message.

So I offered her a place to stay in my apartment. “Look, my roommate is gay, and I am a feminist. It makes no sense for you to stay here alone until someone comes to get you. It’s not safe.”

She called her friends back with my contact info, and followed us home …only to be picked up a few minutes later.

The next day, she called to thank me, and suggested that we go out for drinks.

A friend who was with me at the time of the incident looked at me and said, “Marc, I am onto you. You’re just like the rest of them, with the feminist cover. You’re a wolf in  sheep skin.”

I took that personally. As a pro-feminist male, I shouldn’t get a fucking cookie for being such, but I don’t like my integrity and convictions questioned, either — especially by my friend, who is quite the objectifyer of women.

Just because I offered a pretty girl a place to stay doesn’t mean I am trying to fuck her. I don’t need a girl to be drunk to earn her affection and attention. I don’t need to lie to a girl to get laid. I don’t need to take advantage of a situation to get a girl to jump my bone.

If I were accused of having hidden motives by women, I’d totally understand …when one group has been oppressed by other group for their entire lives, they have the right to be cynical of unlikely allies. But when another guy, who often sees women as nothing but potential fuck objects, questions my intentions, I have a problem with that.

Has anyone had similar experiences? Should I kick this guy in the head?



Sexual harassment victim suspended.

On Friday, I was informed by a friend of mine that one of his students had been suspended for five daysafter SHE was sexual harrassed.

The story goes something like this: in class Friday, when he was teaching Latin, the girl just bursted “I am sick of this shit,” and started crying. He took her outside, and she confided in him that she would “slit his throat and throw him in a ditch.” She went on to inform him that the student in the next seat over had been sexually harrassing her, telling her to “suck [his] dick” among other things …it got worst.

After confirming the information with other students, he wrote up a slip to send the harrasser to the front office for disciplinary actions. But security had already arrived, and took them both to the office.
Come to find out, another school administrator had heard the sexual harssasment victim’s angry comment about throwing her harrasser’s body in a ditch (and she made it in confidence, while angry and crying, TO A TEACHER) and called security.

So, what’s the end result? The girl was suspended for five days for making dead threats, and the guy got two days for being indecent! She also had to apologize to him. Worst part of it all? She is now removed from the class permanently because SHE posed an unhealthy classroom learning environment to him!

Is it just me, or is something extremely backward here? If I got sexually harrassed, you bet your sweet ass I am going to get angry and threaten to kill someone. But I still doesn’t make the harrasser the victim in all of this. WE ALL KNOW WHO THE VICTIM IS!

Furthermore, my friend talked to her and she said she was told that she needed to control HER feelings and not have outbursts. What the fuck? Excuse HER for not remaining prim and proper and “lady like” after being a victim. What’s next? Sending a rape victim to jail instead of the rapist and having her apologize to him for having to fight back? And we’re further reinforcing patriarchy by telling her that all of this is her fault? UGH! It makes me want to pull my hair out.

I really don’t know how we can go about handling this – and am waiting for a call back from my campus director of the Feminist Majority Foundation, but it’s ticking me off.



“Need to get laid, go to a political rally

I found this article extremely amusing http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2007/09/27/2007-09-27_singles_will_check_out_eligible_candidat-2.html

Essentially, political campaigns that are aimed at a younger demographic (think Barrack Obama) are aiming at a younger crowd with promise of getting laid or finding a like-minded date.I have two really jumbled up thoughts of it. One: it doesn’t work. Traditionally, the 18-29 demographic is great for straw polls, but it doesn’t always translate into a political victory. Like it or not, our crowd is pretty fickled.While our mindsets are in the right place, we don’t actually go to the poll. Then there are those who are truly committed in that age bracket who doesn’t need to go to a political function to get laid. They are actually doing this for the right reasons and are committed to voting for a certain candidate anyway, so it’s pointless and a fiscal waste to spend money on them. You can see it now, election day comes around, two people are in bed cuddling after their fuck fest at around 7 p.m.

“You know, I had a feeling we were supposed to do something today?”
“We did — each other.”
“No, something else — something important.”
“Oh, shit! We’re supposed to vote for Barrack Obama. Hurry! Precincts close in an hour!”
They throw on their clothes, speed down the road only to find a traffic jam. Barrack Obama comes in third.

My second thought is this: there might be some truths to the article. In my experiences, as a liberal, Democrat and feminist, the women whom I’ve met and fallen for (and those who’ve fallen for me), been out with and dated and whatnot, are always a much better experience at political/feminist events, than drunk and throwing up under a bar.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that deep down inside, rather than a quick lay, we all want someone with whom we share values and convictions, and a desire to see the world the way we want it.

In the end, for me (and I would say “liberals,” but I don’t claim to speak for all liberals), love isn’t about what the person can do for us, but rather, what that person does (and potentially can do) for the world. Maybe it’s just the little hippie in me (without the long hair and drugs) talking. I don’t know.

Thirdly, (I know I promised two thoughts, but I lied), I was kind of offended by the article and the “liberal chicks are easy” line in the article. It’s not that they’re easy, it’s perhaps that they’re more comfortable with their sexuality.

It also offends me because it gives the idea that we’re supposed to stand up for a cause just to get laid. It offends me even more that the person quoted is seeing women, once again, not for their character and values and beliefs (in this case, as liberals and feminists), but as a piece of meat, there for his pleasure.

Sex is greatly appreciated and awesome, but it ought to come with respect and equality – and there is no respect and equality in a statement like, “liberal chicks are easy.”



Misogyny at its best.

Browsing through the news this morning, I ran across this story http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2007/09/man-urinates-on.html

It’s extremely sad that in the patriarchy, entertainment to men seems to take priority over the life of a woman. This goes to further show that women aren’t seen as people – but rather objects. Their lives are valued less than that of man. So long as someone is entertained, all is good. So long as someone is satisfied with entertainment, no one gives a damn about women’s lives. After all, in the patriarchy, women are seen as the objects of pleasure (and not just sexually) to men.

More upsetting? The fact that some posters to the story aren’t outrage. “There are bigger things going on in the world,” one poster writes.

Only if that poster can see the connection between misogyny and its abundance in our culture.

Watersports can be hot – depending on how kinky you are, but this is assault. I hope the guy gets his ass kicked in jail.

 Marc



Feminism, strip bars, and an exotic dancer.

For the last few days, I’ve wanted to write about my experience at the strip club, but I am glad I didn’t, because tonight, I actually got to talk to a stripper about feminism, so it made me think a bit deeper on the issue.

Please don’t kill me – but a few nights ago, my old friends took me to a strip bar, despite my protest. They didn’t put a gun to my head, but I reluctantly went anyway, seeing it as a way for us to spend time together. In that, I feel guilty because I felt as though I was contributing to the objectification and commodification of women by being a patron there. Further, I have to admit that I was somewhat turned on by the visuals of it all. But I am, after all, only human.

 As one of my buddies offered to buy me a lap dance, I refused, out of me feministic values. “Real men don’t have to pay to see a woman naked,” I told him as a way to politely refuse, yet still adhere to my feministic values. But at the same time, even said statement, for me, is problematic, as it defines what a “real man” is supposed to be.

But I felt extremely bad that I was at the club, and that I was physically enjoying the sight of a woman’s body, who was only there because of an imbalance of power. There I was – the male with privilege and money to see her dance naked …I was just like the rest of them, contributing to the misogynistic view of women.

 What was even more upsetting for me, I think, was I saw the cocktail servers walking around in tight little bikinis. While I love the woman’s body, I don’t feel as though I have to part-take in sexism to appreciate it. Although there is always a “no-touch” policy at any strip club, the regulars were actually slapping one of the servers’ butt. I wanted to say something, but realized it was neither my place nor the time. I let it go, and continued talking to my friends. I am sorry!

 Tonight, while sitting at a coffee shop near my house, I was next to a couple a table over. Lost in my new book, “Giving,” by Bill Clinton, as well as texting people, I looked up to the girl asking me if the Ms. Magazine sitting on the table was mine. I offered it to her, and the guy she was with told me she is new to feminism. So, a conversation ensued.

It turns out she’s an exotic dancer, and came to feminism after reading Jessica Valenti’s “Full Frontal Feminism,” and now wants to go to college majoring in women’s studies.

I asked her how she dealt with the political and personal of her life, being both a feminist and a dancer. Her reply was something to this extend:

“It depends on why people dance. For some girls, they dance because they feel they need the approval of men to feel pretty. Some can’t dance unless they’ve got alcohol in their system. I dance because I make a lot money doing so, and I am my own person. I don’t need men’s approval to feel pretty, but I am empowered by it. In the end, it’s about what I do for my own life and not have to feel ashamed by it. I do it because I make my own schedule and report to no one.”

I thought about her answer and wondered: what if stripping truly does make some women happy because they are in control? What if stripping made them happy because they are empowered by the money? What if they are doing it out of their own choice?

Driving home, I think I’ve come up with the answer for it all, and perhaps said answer is still muddled by my experience as a male with male privilege, but I think that feminism shouldn’t be about what we can get out of it, but how we can make the world a better place.

In the end, what we do shouldn’t be motivated by what we can get out of it, but rather, whether it will positively affect woman?

Does seeing women naked make me happy? Sure. But am I contributing to the comodification of women? Yes. So should I do it in the future? No.

The same thing, I think, goes for this woman. This is not a judgement. It’s merely what I think. But as was brought up in my conversation with her, our views on feminism change everyday, as we learn more, and experience more. Perhaps that’s just the case with me.

I recommend to her, “To Be Real,” by Rebecca Walker. I suggest it to all of you, too. 🙂

Thoughts?